Monday, February 15, 2010

Canada's curse backfires, gives me the finger

I hope everyone enjoyed their holiday. Ours was splendid -- complete with a romp at Kangaroo Zoo where my little man climbed the world's tallest slide and had nothing but a cushion of air separating him from the thrill of his life, or possible death. It was all thrills.

Then we ate something "BBQ-ey." Per husband's request.

We had to do something exciting with our day, because I've got the fevah. The Olympic Fever. The let's-sit-on-our-butts-for-hours-and-watch-the-world's-best-athletes-compete-while-we-sit-here-doing-jack-and-eat-whole-cans-of-Pringles fever. Days have gone by and I have not showered. Little man's diaper change is long over due. We are out of Pringles. But I am not left without. I have learned things! Important things!!

This is what I've learned:

  • My writing will suffer in February. Badly. BFF Kim has a fantastic excuse: One of the characters in her manuscript is involved in one of these fantastics snowy sports. I have ... no such excuse.
  • Vancouver has sucky snow conditions -- I can tell you all about the crystal formations, the fog, the slush, and the shade brigade.
  • Figure skating is so much more entertaining when someone lands on their butt.

  • If you watch the entire moguls competitions, see Hannah Kearney win gold, cheer her onand not feel all that bad for besting Canada, and then fast forward through all the figure skating drama so you can see the podium ceremony (I mean really, what's better than hearing the anthem and seeing the flag raise? And yes, I get a little weepy. Patriotism people. Patriotism.), if you do all this, Canada will get the last laugh and give you the finger when your DVR recording cuts off right after you hear Bob at his most dramatic, "And now the Star Spangled Banner ... " Bing. Recording ended. Delete?
WTF?! Seriously? Oh phew. DVR is on it. We've recorded the program after the Olympics.

Select. Play. Here it comes!!

"And there you have it. Hannah Kearney wins gold in Vancouver."

Um ... what? Where's the close up on the flag? Where's the shot of the family crying? Where are the hands over their hearts, Hannah singing along for the "home of the brave?"

60 second lag time. 60 SECOND LAG TIME?!?!?! "THE" 60 sec lag time. Thank you very much, you suck and I got nothing. Just a big ole up yours, in your face camel cake, double finger from Vancouver.

Well curse on you Canada. Alex was great and totally deserved his gold, but curses anyhow!

I hate you DVR.

You are not my friend. Until tomorrow ... whenIneedyoutowatchmoreOlympiccoverage.
Love you!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

What happens in Vegas ...

... gets blogged, texted and tweeted.

So, get ready Kim (another requester!), because here it is: VEGAS baby. Apparently, not everything stays there. And I will continue where Brodi left off, because there are a few numbers she left out.

Las Vegas by the numbers: Part #2.

Number of times I compared the Bellagio Buffet to the Wynn Buffet: 4

Number of times my husband texted to tell me I'd never actually eaten at the Wynn Buttet: 1

Number of times Brodi tried sushi: 1

Number of times Brodi gagged and spit out "veggie roll": 1

Number of dessert plates on the table at the end of our buffet rounds: 13 (they were very little plates!)
Number of times Emily was open with her nakedness: 5

Number of times Emily bocked at the suggestion of seeing Thunder Down Under due to nakedness: 6

Number of times Emily sang the theme song for her favorite penny slot: 9 ... "Catch a Wave we're sittin' on top of the World."Number of times we sang Brodi's version of "Mandy": 17 See Valynne's blog for more details.

Number of times we called Valynne "The Bux" after she exhibited mad gambling skills: 32

Number of times Valynne's mad driving skills were compared to a Vegas taxi: 2

Number of times Brodi traveled the strip standing through the moon roof: 1

Number of times we were checked out at the Craps table by men over 50: 437

Number of times Brodi gave said old men some hope by flirting back: 435

Number of times I offered to "practice my moves" on the poles in the tram: 1

Number of times there were snickers and hushed conversations in foreign languages about my moves on the tram poles: 2

Number of times we took an elevator to the wrong floor: 3

And then ... The SIX members in attendance drove home and I commenced with Part #2 of my trip: Shoe Convention with Sami. And the numbers continued.

Number of times I tried to open the wrong hotel room: 1 (Sorry 2085!)

Number of shoes I saw at WSA: 3,459,188

Number of Diet Pepsi's purchased before we found out we got them for free in the VIB lounge: 6

Number of grannies trying to touch something Australian: 4

Number of times the Australian moves made us laugh so hard we cried: 3

Pairs of Sami's glasses stolen by an Aussie: 1

And the rest ... stays in Vegas.