Friday, January 29, 2010

25 things that can't be used against me ...

OK, so Miss Cranberry Fries put in a request, and I shall deliver. I'm the deliverying kind.

But, there is an asterisk to this post: None of these things can be used against me should Brodi demand ANOTHER revote. (Brodi keeps insisting we revote on the order of Craziness in The SIX. She likes to do this when one of us is having a bad day and something atypical happens, like when Bree tries to burn her house down, or ... well, mostly when Bree is having a bad day. I know, rude right?)

I am turning 30 this next week and as well all know that week can be traumatic and we might be forced to do things we wouldn't normally do ... like wear tassels in Vegas (I'll be in Vegas next week, but not, ironically, to celebrate turning 30. I'm going for a business convention, which I'll be honest is pretty awesome. Shoe Convention. That's pic is what we call a "condo" aka booth space. See? You already it's awesome).

So, I say this list and next week in Vegas are totally off limits. And with that, my 25 things you may or may not know:

1. I am obsessed with my pillow. It's on my list of things I need to pack for Vegas. Can't sleep without it.
2. My junior high school teacher selected me as the most "recessive" person in class. We were discussing genetics and apparently I am living proof of bucking the natural trend: Red hair, green eyes, short, left-handed, weird ear lobes.
3. I cannot smell skunk. Call me a liarliarpantsonfire, but it's true. My brother can't either.
4. I can make wicked awesome "Raptor" noises. As in Veloci-raptor.
5. I suck on my bottom lip. All the time. Childhood habit that has not gone away. Leave me alone.
6. I'm a motorcycle accident survivor. Still pull gravel out of my arm occassionally and have some great scars, but the doctor assured me my head was FINE people. FINE.
7. Pink has never been my favorite color. Even when I was 4. I liked yellow. I felt like an outcast and pretended to like pink as a kid, but ew. Pink.
8. I want to be Diane Lane. The "it" factor we're all looking for? It belongs to Diane.
9. I applied to be on Ellen. I wasn't cool enough.
10. Making phone calls kind of scares. OK, really scares me. I have no idea why, so if I call you, just know I'm not being rude, I'm paranoid.
11. I have perfect vision, but always wanted to wear glasses. I wore my mom's glasses around the house all the time.
12. I cannot recall anyone teasing me for having red hair. I'm sure it happened (kids still tease, right?), maybe it didn't bother or something, but I can't remember it.
13. Growing up I never wanted to be a SAHM. I always thought I'd have a career of some sort, but really there is nothing greater than staying home.
14. Capes are cool, and I wanted one when I was little. It's why I would be a princess at Halloween. It's really not all about the tiara.
15. Secrets of Nimh is the scariest movie ever. Fellow authors need a creepy villian? An old rat and a freaky owl. There ya go. Scare the pants of everyone!
16. There is only one kind of acceptable sheet: Sateen. Go buy them now and thank me later.
17. I can swim, but am not a "swimmer." I still plug my nose. I tried practicing in the bath tub all the time, but it's true what they say ... you CAN drown in 2 inches of water.
18. I used to say "dround" ... probably until I was 18. You didn't drown, you dround.
19. The Last Unicorn is one of the best movies ever. Also has some creepy villains, but hellooo ... unicorns! I'm a-liiiiiiive. Great theme song.
20. Naive should have been my middle name as a teenager. So many jokes I didn't get ... and there are still occassions when I ask Ben to translate for me.
21. I cannot spell occassions. ocassions? occasions? Ah, that one.
22. Ironically, I won the Spelling Bee at my school when I was in the 4th grade. My winning word: Elusive. Went to Region and lost. Losing word: Census.
23. I once dated a guy who was born on Oct. 23rd and he insisted that 10:23 was a magical time or something, I can't remember what now, but that number 23 comes up all the time!
24. Peanut butter M&Ms are the fruit of the gods.
25. Uniqua is my favorite.

World's longest blog post. Thanks for sticking around for the whole thing.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Debunking the Myth: Why I am not Crazy, and the reveal of Crazy Cat Lady.

OK, so if you read Emily's blog, you know that once upon a writer's group we discovered that writers tend to be a little crazy, and that each of us was in some respect or another, a little bit wack.

We took a vote. And these, my friends, are the reasons why I am not crazy:

1. I've never had a brain tumor, or any tumor for that matter. I remain tumor-free.
2. I sleep in the same bed as my husband. All night long.
3. I do not touch the locks on all the doors before I can safely retire to said bed.
4. I am not afraid of fast-growing, vine like plants. In fact, I have one in my bathroom.
5. If we are at a restaurant and have been waiting long past our given "wait time," I have been nominated as one of two individuals in The SIX (the other individual is obviously The Bouncer) who should approach the hostess, because I have that look ... the look that says "Take me seriously and find us a table."
6. I have zero food allergies.

These reasons were apparently overlooked:
1. My husband is the official King of Wikipedia. (Note: We do not donate to Wikipedia)
2. I am a redhead. I married a redhead. That, is craziness!
3. I paid money for Thing #1 and Thing #2, seen here taking their Sun
day afternoon nap.

4. My dreams are right out of The DaVinci Code, writing in blood and everything.
5. My car is yellow. Crazy Yellow!

And I'm not really sure why I'm less crazy than Kim. She must have that crazy look about her ... And now there's proof: Video of her crazy cat lady look! (She's the one holding the cat in the video ... petting it and everything!) Cr-azy.
That's my story, what's yours?

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

And so it begins ...

There was a challenge.

Brodi delivers her manuscript. I deliver a blog.

I'm not sure which one was harder really -- because I really don't fancy myself an excellent blogger (I know ... way to entice my readership. But if I don't have a readership, does it matter? There's a joke in here somewhere about my readership being in the woods and a tree falling, I just know it) and Brodi is the world's fastest writer.

Needless to say, I received an email this morning, containing the majority of her mss. So here I am.

I have this inate fear of the blog. I shouldn't though, because doesn't everyone blog? Not that "everyone doing something" removes fear, but blogging should just be common place. No big deal.

But it is. A big deal.

First, there's the blog name. All these clever names to compete with ... I don't have a clever name. I am what I am. The most clever name I came up with, pretty much after 5 years of brainstorming is ... drum roll ... "Nuts & Bolton." Get it? Like nuts & bolts, except Bolton. I know. It's lame, but it's all I got.

Second, the layout. I could spend hours pouring over websites all containing cute layouts that essentially do not matter. So here is the first layout that does not completely offend my sensitive eyes.

Third. Time. I have none. I know everyone says that ... but I'm a SAHM for this guy (he made that face when we told him I was starting a blog),

I run a home business, I work part time as a data analyst, I'm part of The SIX -- a very active writers group, AND I've been given a deadline of June 1st for a full first draft of my manuscript. That pretty much leaves 2 minutes in my day to make dinner, shower, and now blog. And they voted I'm the least crazy. Seriously people?

Crazy or not, here I come, blog world. How am I doing?